Im crushed to be plain.  I dont know what is going to happen now my entire life just changed.  The girl that i am completely in love with just dropped me on my face.  She did exactly what everyone said she was going to.  She just hurt my feelings worse than anyone ever could ever and i don't think she even knows it.  I changed she's right i changed because i wanted her so badly and she wouldn't give me to her.  She just completely ended everything she just made my life an empty hole.  I gave her anything and everything she wanted and she just slapped me in my face Fuck this Fuck Everything i dont even want to be here anymore.

im in new mexico right now its so pretty up here i love it.  My sister got engaged today ontop of the mountain im really happy for her.  I wish i had what she has. Stability.  I hate that when i spend time with my sister and fiance they bring up points about me and my girl that are hard to overlook.  For instance this girls has two pictures on her myspace of her with my bestfriend but none with me.  My sister said that while we were officially together she did.  It seems like she is slowly but surely deleting me from her life and i hate it.  I want this to work so badly but tonight she doesn't even have five minutes to talk to me to make me feel better.  I know her friends are more imporant to her than i am whether she admits it or not and it sucks.  I wish things could be how they were i want her back so badly im in love with her and i cant just stop and it flat out blows.  I hope she comes back soon or else im going to be a recked mess of a person and that is something i really dont want to have to deal with.  FUCK.

I think its weird that everytime my phone rings my heart starts racing and i pray that its gonna be that girl calling me.  I already miss her. After one day of being away from her i want to move back home so i can be with her.  I really want to marry this girl i really hope that she feels the same way and see's that there is no one else out there for her.  Some times i feel like she doesn't really believe that we are going to get married but tells me we will to keep me from crashing.  I know i would crash if she told me that i really have no desire to get any other girl which is crazy because every other girl i have ever dated i have always had some desire to be with someone else at the same time but for once i feel that no one else is right.  I want to be with her so badly.  I would give anything for this girl anything at all and i hope that she sees that.